Making Tough Decisions
To my friends, Reason, Season or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
I am just wondering how many other people have done this following scenario.
In dealing with friends, there often comes a time when it feels like a
relationship has run it's course and by holding onto that relationship you
are causing yourself and the other person more harm then good.
This isn't the ending of a relationship because you have had a fight with
someone. This isn't the ending of a relationship because you are mad,
or bitter, or jealous. I am speaking of those times when you talk to a
friend, a friend you have shared many memories, situations and
experiences but as you are talking you realize the conversation has
become superficial. It is similar to talking to someone you just met
whom you don't want to share too much information because something
is telling you not to, it's usually your gut.
The above quote that I began this blog with is just that precursor to situations. In my life at this moment there are only a few people I regret having been introduced into my sphere of knowing. One being that little tramp that stole my dad's money and blinded him with lies.... I cannot yet see a reason for her coming into my life.... I may never find out what that reason is, but I loathe and detest her. I don't think about her if I can help it, but when I do those feelings shoot straight up to the surface and if I thought about her more I would be expending a lot of energy on something that does not deserve my time or energy. The other are also people who bring up a lot of feelings of resentment and hurt, because of past betrayals, however, as many years have passed since this time, I am beginning to see what lessons they have helped me learn, and how I have grown as a person from knowing them.
What is the best way to deal with someone whom you have built a friendship with but it is becoming clear that the friendship has grown stagnate and is only creating a greater harm to you and the other person?? Do you aggressively tell them you don't wish to speak to them anymore, what if they haven't come to that same conclusion? Do you passively let the relationship continue even though is brings up negative feelings? Do you passively-aggressively just ignore them until they get the hint? Do you take the assertive path and let them know that from your view times have changed and it's time to cut ties as the relationship seems to becoming toxic for both people?
I wonder sometimes how much we revert back to old roles when dealing with old friends. Do we project onto our friends the roles we expect them to have and when they change do we subconcsiously sabatoge them so they revert back to the norm? Do we change in our life, but when around these old friends do we go back to old well known patterns because that is what is comfortable?
I believe that everyone can change, because as we grow we change, as we experience new life changing moments we grow, we reestablish priorities, our tastes in things(food, music, movies) all change. However, are there times when you feel like all the changes you have made are for nothing because that friend is just making you feel like you are right back in a time when things were negative or not as positive as they should be.
How do you walk away from a relationship, when walking away is not directed out of anger, but just out of maturation, and changes in life that make your common ground with that person so small it's almost nil? How do you walk away from a relationship when it has more to do with a loss of that common ground but also a preceived sense of loss in trust on one person's part or both?
I am right in the middle of this situation but I want to handle it with maturity. I am not thinking of walking away because I wish to be mean, I am thinking of walking away because I think it's best for us. I know this person is a good person, she has a lot of potential to do very well in her life, but maybe my friendship with her is holding her back, is making her repeat old patterns because I am subconsciously projecting those patterns onto her in our relationship. Maybe subconsciously she feels she needs those patterns because some of the changes scare her and cause her to not see her for who she truly needs to be. In all relationships, both parties contribute to what the relationship looks like. I can't in all honesty say the other person is completely to blame because I had an equal partnership role in this relationship. So what do I do??