Saturday, 30 April 2016

Where did April Go....

Man I can't get out of this funk!! I've tried and in some areas of my life I am almost back to normal, but in so many areas I am unmotivated, I have absolutely no desire to get on board.

I've looked at my computer every night after the kids have gone to bed and I'm like nope not today.  I'm not a great at writing at night, yet that's the only time I really have to write.  I'd love to get up before my family and do an hour of writing but that means I have to get up at 4.... and even then who knows if the kids would get up as well.  I can't sneeze in the morning without hearing the baby call out, "Hi, Hi" repeatedly.  And the thought of waking up at 4 am sends me into a mental exhaustion just having the thought.

I like to sleep.  But here is what I am promising myself to do.  I am going to start May 1 and I am going to diarize my day.  On this blog, so that means 7 days a week I will be blogging about my day, my boring, boring day. But it's a way for me to stay accountable to my goals, so the blogs by right will need to be written at night before I head to bed. I am also going to start with a photo gallery and maybe a youtube vlog about what is going on in my life and different things I am doing. The last two are a bit lofty at this point since I'm barely doing the blogging but shot for the stars right?

I also have to get back into my running.  My Seawheeze 16 shorts arrived so I am super excited about them, I LOVE them!! They are amazing!! My friend Becky isn't a fan, they have too much blue in them for her, but I LOVE, LOVE them!!!

So there you are, this is where I am at and where I know I need to go.  I'm going to have a checklist each day for things I need to do and then I will discuss what I've done and my progress..... May is definitely going to turn into the Dear Diary Series.....

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Tuesday Truth

Ok for the month of April I am going to be doing Tuesday Truths.  This is where I will take one question that I would want to know from other people and answer it truthfully for myself.  These won't be those get to know you questions of a first date, but they will touch on topics that can be a bit touchy and may reveal to some people my thoughts and deep beliefs that they didn't know.

So the four questions I am going to answer are these:

1) Are you a spiritual Person? (April 5)
2) What are your political leanings? (April 12)
3) How do you feel about transgender washrooms? (April 19th)
4) Would you ever live in a communist state? (April 26th)

So let's get started with one of the easier questions!!

Are you a spiritual person?

I am a spiritual person, I am also a religious person.

I was baptized, and confirmed Roman Catholic.  I believe in the teachings of Jesus, but not all the doctrine of the Church.  So this is a very convoluted topic for me. So I will start with where I have firm beliefs and where I often find questions and I am still looking for a clear answer.

1. I believe Jesus was a real person, I believe he was influential on a group in society and I believe he was an innately good person.  I believe his mother was Mary and I believe he was crucified under Pontius Pilate.  I believe Jesus' teachings were meant to bring more understanding to the world and to help create a better outcome for people.

2. I believe that the Beatitudes (Jesus' answer for the 10 commandments) are a great way to live your life. I believe it makes people think of themselves and helps make the world a better place

3. I believe that there is a greater power than humans, an entity or God.  I don't know that the human definition that is written is the absolute definition of this power, I just know because my belief is so strong that they do exist.  I also believe that God (for need of having a name) has a plan but doesn't interfere.

See here's where things start to get muddled.

4. I believe that there is not one truth.  I believe that many religions have a definition of the after life and I don't think they are wrong..... I think they need that definition and it's something that resonates with the person choosing that religion.  Because people choose religions and religions choose people. I think that what we believe is what happens and I think sometimes we may find something else.

5. I believe in an afterlife.  This kind of goes with the above statement, but I believe there is an afterlife.  A heaven.... when "What Dreams May Come" came out I was floored because it was the same idea that I had thought, it was why I felt no one could define Heaven give anyone a definite answer of this is heaven.  I also believe that in that afterlife, if we want to try living in this crazy world, or another one we can do that.

6.  This is also why I believe God has a plan for everyone, but he let's us go forward and carve our own way out.  It's like a map, you are born and you travel down this road, now God wants you to learn about unconditional love and acceptance, but oh no here's a hurtle you must make a choice.  Do you choose to be mad and bitter about this event that "happened" to you or do you choose to make the best of the situation.  You get to choose, and then you either learn the lesson that God wanted you to learn or God places another hurdle in front of you to teach you that message.  Not everyone learns their lessons though, not everyone listens to what is happening around them so then they can't.

7. I also believe that sometimes God uses peoples as puppets in a greater sense, especially when innocent children die or get hurt. I feel their is a lesson there and we can be irate and completely disillusioned in the fact that God would let bad things happen  to people who don't deserve it or we can accept that some things are out of our control and they are part of a bigger part of the puzzle that we can not see.

8. Science is real and it does not disprove God.  I believe the dinosaurs existed I believe humans have evolved.  I don't know that I believe we evolved from Apes, but I do believe that we have used these brains and improved upon our species every generation.  I still believe that something bigger than humans started the whole thing, and maybe it's very Men in Black where we are actually in a marble on a dogs neck and that's our universe, but I think God started this and this is his reality television.

9. I like to believe that God and the other deities hang out and discuss our dumb decisions.  Sort of like how we sit around the water cooler discussing Survivor or Big Brother.

10. I choose to believe and to teach my kids to believe, not so they fear being punished for being bad, but so that they think outside of themselves, so that they know they are part of something bigger than themselves.  I also choose to believe because not believing, believing there is nothing after this life and my loved ones before me and I will turn into worm food and our spirit just leaves the world is a very bleak thought.  And I'd rather be wrong about my belief and die not knowing, then be wrong about not believing and feeling like a dipstick in the afterworld....

As a PS I also believe the Church and it's teachings, and any religious teachings are flawed because they are written or interpreted by humans so all stories and dogma of religion needs to be evaluated and assessed but the message, the meaning behind the words that's what's important.

I also believe that I could be wrong, but for now the teaching of the Catholic Church to go forth and love my neighbours, to treat others with kindness and acceptance, to not seek revenge, to speak truths and be honest these are important.  Judging others, mistreating others, condemning others are things we should avoid. The Catholic Church, without the interference of humans, has a great message it's the people that choose to say things in the name of the church that cause problems. Again this is just my opinion.

Monday, 4 April 2016

Life Needs to Slow Down

I love being busy, busy with friends, busy with my kids, busy with all the things I love but there has to be a balance.

I have very recently just stopped doing everything, mostly because there was so much to do that I just did not even know where to begin.

I'm in a new job, I'm still working my old job, I'm still doing all the things with my kids, I'm still trying to get my training under way for my half marathon. I'm launching my home based business so my husband doesn't have to work away so much, so many things are going on and my oldest is graduating from high school and I am trying to get that all figured out.

Last month I felt I was in the eye of the hurricane, watching the world I am in spin completely out of control and knowing if I moved one step forward or one step backward I would be sucked up by Hurricane Busy and who knows where I would end up.  It was terrifying. It was not the first time this has happened to me.

I took some time as I stopped doing anything that would give me forward momentum and reflected on the things I want in life, to accomplish this year to set myself up for future times. It was a good meditation something I should do more of as it definitely helps settle me and centres me in away that helps make my focus very crystal clear,

So here are the top three things I am wanting for my life and family this year.

1) I am wanting to be healthy and fit. I want to be able to run a 2:55 half marathon, I want have the energy I had when I was training last year because I was fuelling my body with healthy foods and exercising consistently.

2) I want to have financial freedom, not in the sense that we won't work, but in the sense that we won't need to depend on the oil field to provide us with the things we want in life.  I want to have work that allows me to take time when I need and so that I am not stressed about a weekend trip to the coast or planning a trip with my husband for a get away.

3) I want to spend time with my kids and enjoy the things they enjoy (sometimes I mean Minecraft just isn't my thing) but to go out and build memories with my kids and not worry about buying things for them,  I want to be able to take them to the mountains, to Drumheller, to the Zoo because these are things they will enjoy.  I want to have the time to do this and the financial resources as well.

Here is what I know has to happen in order for me to be able to do these things.

1) my part-time job with Parkland CLASS had to come to an end.  I could no longer work those few hours for those few dollars to have to do the training and everything else as it was taking up time I needed to devote to other things.  So I resigned as of March 31, I was sad to go, I liked working there, I loved my co-workers, but I need to give to myself and my family and that time I needed for those things.

2) I have to make myself a schedule, and I have to stick to it!! I have to use my lunches to train for my half marathon, I have to weight train at home, I have to get back into my yoga at home in the evening after the kids are in bed, but it all has to be scheduled so I stick with it!

3) I have to schedule my writing in as well.  What will happen when I sit down and write 1000 words a day? In a year I will have 365,000 words which should be about a book, so there you go.

4) I need to be honest with myself and what I want in life and what I need to be doing to get those things.

So here we go April is the start of doing things smarter not harder!!