Thursday, 12 March 2015

What I learned and what I want to achieve at 36

Being 35 was a new experience, hahaha, for me I've never been 35 and I'll never be 35 again, but it was an interesting year.  I had a few ah-Ha moments and few uh-Oh moments, but each moment led to some wonderful growth in who I am as a person, mother and friend.

Here are three things I really learned and came to fully understand in my 35th year.

1) I can love someone and know that having them in my life is not a healthy decision.  I can disembark from a friendship, not in malice and anger but in love and happiness.  Not everyone of my friends needs to be my BFF.  And just because I don't talk to someone every day/ week/ month doesn't mean that they aren't important.  But sometimes you have people that the growth that you've each done has just led you so far apart from each other that there is no bridging that gap, you can only be thankful for the times together and move on.

2) Sometimes people don't change, and sometimes they do! Some people are so far into their reality that they can't see the fiction they are painting around them. That the reality they are living in is completely incongruent with the majority of societies reality. Those people that can't see that can't change, not form an outside perspective, but completely believe that they are a different person.  Sometimes they base their changing on different tasks, as opposed to values.  I can change how I do a task that does not mean I have changed my values, that which makes me a better person than I was yesterday.

3) I am happy. I have a full life and I no longer base my happiness on what other people think of me.  If you aren't going to like me because of something you think I did then that's your prerogative.  If you are going to accept me for who I am, some one who has flaws that I embrace, then that's cool, let's hang out. I've also accepted the path my life has taken, if it weren't for things I had done, people I chose to hang out with I wouldn't have met some of my best friends.  The suffering I've had to live through in some relationships is completely worth if for the other relationships I have made.

Some of the things I want to achieve by the time I'm 36.

1. completing a half marathon!! I know I can do this, I know I can do this in 3 hours or less, I know that I have the drive to do it, I just need the weather to start cooperating with me so I can get out to stretch my runs out and I need to start making sure I do my exercises!! Strength training and yoga to help balance everything out!!

2. completing my novel, and actually get it published somehow, either self publishing or with an agent.  An agent would be a dream, I mean that would guarantee payment and book deals and stuff, but at the end of the day this is for me to prove to myself that I can do it. Do what? sit down and writer a book from beginning to end.

3. be more thankful! and let past hurts go! It's hard, betrayal is hard to get past and sometimes when it's happened for a long time it's hard to let go and be the bigger person, but I'm going to move on and I'm going to be more thankful for all the wonderful people in my life!!

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