Changing

Can people change?  That is a question I'm currently asking myself. I feel I'm at a crossroads right now in regards to my relationships with people.  I want to believe that people can change, because the opposite is just depressing and I feel that I've changed, but is changing and growing mutually exclusive or are they the same thing?

Someone once said that people don't change, they just get better at hiding their true selves.  If that's the case then the decision to walk away from certain relationships is easy.  I have known people who've proven to be unloyal, untrustworthy, and unkind.  They've been selfish and play the victim each time there is any conflict between them and anyone else. But they aren't necessarily that way with everyone, but they are with me or were with me.  Our relationships have suffered from various altercations and arguments so we've each taken a step back from the other.  But the friendship is still there squirming on the floor like a Voldermort horcrux, and right now I don't know if I'm Voldmort trying to save it or Harry who should blast it to smithereens!!

On the other hand people do grow and mature.  People become adults and no longer engage in games that were played when they were teenagers, games of gossip and rumours to hurt others.  And people do mature and grow at different rates, so maybe that is it, maybe my maturation is further along (or behind) then these other people that I feel I'm at a crossroads with.  I guess some women can become stunted in their maturation, always living and making decisions that would be made by a 17 to 22 year old.

I don't think these people are bad people, quite the opposite really. I think they are great people, I think they have some great friendships with others, but for whatever reason, my relationship with them is toxic. It either brings out negative behaviour from myself ( I may vent about them from time to time) or it brings out negative behaviours from them (they may say things that are unkind or disloyal).

I guess as I've matured and had different life experiences there are certain things and characteristics that I value in people. I value kindness, I value consideration, I value loyalty, I value respect, I value trust and honesty.  I've always valued these in others but it's become more important as I've grown. I also value discretion I mean I was a teenager once, but my escapades as a teenager do not need to be shared in case my teenager is around to hear.

As I move through this post I realize the decision is very apparent, I just don't wish to be unkind, I just want to move forward with my life but not by causing any pain on others.  I am almost certain I've written a post on this before but I've never followed through, ending relationships is one of the hardest things I've ever done, something I don't do often or lightly.

I'm not really looking for advice but if anyone has anything to say please do.

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