Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Week Six Photo Challenge Fearless

Ok I am behind in my blogging a bit, so I need to catch you up.  We are actually into week eight as I post this blog.  But week six was Fearless.  Come up with good photos to encapsulate a theme can be difficult, and sometimes you do need a preamble to why the photo represents the theme.  So I will tell you a story.

Many years ago, I became afraid to leave my, then, boyfriend.  We weren't good for each other, we were constantly fighting and I was miserable.  But he offered me a sense of security that I wasn't ready to let go.  I was competent, I was putting myself through school, I was putting food on the table, I was taking care of my little guy and I was doing it all without his help.  But I had painted him in my mind as vindictive, I  firmly believed that if we broke up he would take all the furniture from my house that was his, the kitchen table, the television, the couch and I would be left with very little and that because I would have been left with so little he may have tried to take my son from me as well.  So I couldn't leave, I couldn't walk away.  For three years at New Years I made a resolution, I was going to break up with him, if I wasn't genuinely happy with him in 90 days.  But I became complacent, it's a devil of a thing to become, and I stayed for 730 days longer than I should have.  The third year I made the resolution I kept it, I didn't give myself 90 days, I just determined that I was done, so I called him, and he knew what was coming. Neither of us were happy, but we were trying to make it work for our little guy.

I finally left, I left my comfort zone and it was such a growing experience for me. I learned that people aren't always the devils you make them out to be.  My ex did not take the furniture that was in our house, he wanted his son, our son, to have furniture so he could have a life.  I also learned that I could stand on my own two feet and that I truly was strong without him.  I learned that just because I was scared didn't mean it wasn't the right decision and that it was ok to take risks.  Was the time after the break up hard, sure it was, we had been together for 5 years, I went through a bit of depression for awhile, I was angry with him, he moved on, found another date and even got married before I was ready to settle in with my life partner. I have a bit of jealousy over that. He was such a bad person in my mind that I couldn't understand why he was getting everything I wanted!!!! I worked through those things though and I faced my fear, which opened the door for me to be able to face another fear.

I had always talked about moving from Saskatchewan to Alberta, I'd talked about it from year two of University, 5 years later, I actually decided to make it happen. I left the comfort of my familiar surrounds, my mom, my sister, my friends, my life.  I packed up a uhaul and drove 5 hours until I made it to Red Deer.  I've now lived in Red Deer for 6 years.  It's definitely been a rollercoaster ride, sometimes it's great other times I wonder why the hell I moved from Saskatchewan. I miss Saskatchewan on a weekly basis, or at least the people from Saskatchewan, they are a different breed, be it good or bad, it's something that I actually cherish.  But I was terrified to leave what I knew to move to a new place full of unknowns, with no full time job, and no real prospects.  But I did it and I am honestly glad I did, so that leads us to my picture for fearless.

I don't think you can be fearless without knowing you have a fear to face, so how I show this in a picture is like this.
A packed suitcase, by a door, ready to go. I'm not afraid to go out into the world and try new things  That for me is fearless!!!
I liked this angle because it demonstrates that even though the challenges and trials may seem huge you can take them on, and if it doesn't always work out, you can come back home, which is why I had my home door in the shot as well!!

Finally once you've faced the fears, conquered the challenges they don't seem as big as they once were. Had I been prone to panic attacks, I am sure I would have had a few driving to Red Deer in my uhaul.

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