A good friend of mine recommended that people read Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages. It was a book that had helped her through a tough time in her marriage and she felt that it was an amazing read!! I appreciated her candour and even though I am not having difficulty in my marriage at this point in time, there have been times when things weren't always great.
I had decided that I should read this book based on her suggestion, because one of my beliefs is that marriage is work, it's not fairy tale stuff. You need to work at love to make sure you don't fall out of it. I would like to see the trend in divorces changed, I want my boys to know that marriage is something you have to take seriously and to work on every day.
So last week I read this book, I also took out his other two books, one for children and one for teenagers. There are times when I struggle with speaking the other love languages and I am trying to ensure that my boys always know that I love them unconditionally. So I've been reading and I think that if you are in a long term relationship or in a new relationship even, this book is a great read, it can only help you.
According to Chapman there are five love languages, five ways to "speak" to someone to show you love them and everyone has one that is stronger than the rest. The five love languages were quality time, gifts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation and gifts. I actually have two that I respond with most which are words of affirmation and quality time. Quality Time is my first love language followed very closely by words of affirmation. My husband sometimes gives me gifts, which I do appreciate but I'd much prefer his time. As I read this book I tried to figure out what my husband's love language was, I think he responds most to gifts of service and words of affirmation. Surprisingly, I don't think his first language is Physical touch.
So for the next 6 weeks, because I want to discover my husbands primary love language I am going to work very hard to do Acts of Service for my husband. Things like ensuring that at the house is clean when he comes home, offering to do his laundry when he is home, to see how he responds, then I am going to ask him to spend quality time with me, playing games (Monopoly, crib etc) or going for walks and see how our relationship does! I may be wrong and his primary love language may not be acts of service so I will then have to try different ones, I also may find the quiz and ask him to take it so that I can really work on communicating to my husband how much I do love and appreciate him, so that he feels loved!!
I'll post later after I have finished the children and teenage books to see if I can figure out how my boys want to be shown love the most!!