http://www.indianchild.com/lesson_in_life.htm has a quote that reads, "I've learned you don't have to change friends, if you understand that friends change." It made me think if I understand this?? I think I do, I can only hope that my friends understand it as well.
I sometimes don't think I have changed, I think that as much as I still look like my high school, junior high pictures my attitude and behaviours are the same, but unfortunately that can't even be true. I was not a mom in high school or junior high, so I couldn't possibly have the same outlook. I even know that I don't have the same interests.
Life is about growing, changing and embracing that change in yourself, but also about embracing the change that happens in others. Sometimes this is more difficult to do than it would appear. I mean if you can understand that you are not the same person as you were 5, 10 or more years ago, then the same must be true for your friends. Which is the interesting part of relationships, I mean humans are creatures of habit, not always embracing change, but always expecting it. I expect my friends to change their 'bad' habits or 'inappropriate' behaviours, those behaviours or habits that I believe to be 'bad' or 'inappropriate', they could honestly not even see it that way. But, I can be honest I don't always see the changes my friends make in their lives, unless it some how impacts my life. Usually, the changes become noticeable because they make me feel uncomfortable.
People say relationships are like dances, so you become comfortable and you learn the steps and you dance away. Sometimes the dance isn't great but you know it, it's comforting and familiar so you continue doing the dance. But if someone changes the steps, then all of a sudden you are tripping over your feet, trying to learn the new steps or trying to force them back into the familiar. Sometimes you succeed and sometimes the new steps come in. The new steps aren't always a good thing, but if the relationship was not a healthy one then any change can be beneficial.
Sometimes like at dances it's time to end a relationship, but it's not a bad thing, it's just that the music to which you are dancing does not jive with the music to which they are dancing. And you can't make the steps work, so you part find new partners but you know they are still around and it gives you comfort to know that they are there and that's all you need until your dance steps can match again, if they can ever.
I know in my own life, that I still look for the girl I was back in my early twenties. I want the good things that I romanticize about from my twenties, but often when I face the reality of what my twenties were about it smacks of drama and my lip curls in disdain. That's not what I want anymore, but I do want the social life that my twenties offered, the good times with friends, the hanging out and talking over coffee or drinks, the shopping, the movie nights, the television nights. The connection. In my twenties many of the outings revolved around nightclubs, hook ups, and boy issues. I don't want these things anymore. I am maturing (nice way of saying getting older ;P) and lounges and kid issues and steady relationship stuff are things that filter into my thoughts most often. These are the things I have prioritized in my life, or things I enjoy doing in my life, but I know not all my friends are at the same stage as me, so now it's about finding a common ground with them that is comfortable for both of us.
I used to be a great "wing man", but I will be honest I suck now. I am not going to encourage a boy to hit on me, or give him any false hope just because my friend has taken an interest or his friend has taken and interest in my friend. It's just not going to happen. I am happy in my relationship, and I am ok with going out, dancing and having a great time with my girls and I will dance with boys but as soon as they get fresh I am shutting that shit down. No scandy for this girl. I am sure that is a slippery slope I have no desire to trek or toe on. It's just not in me to be that girl. It's unfortunate because I know I used to be a great "wing man", probably one of the best.
I have decided that I am going to accept that people have changed, it's inevitable, and if they haven't changed I have to accept that to, and understand that they way I view them is through my changed preceptions, and that if that changes how I feel about them, then that's on me, not them.
I am a true believer that no one can make me feel anyway. I feel the way I feel because I choose to feel that way. I let things bother me, and if I don't want to feel a certain way I have to choose to do something about it, if I choose not to, then that's on me not anyone else. So if I am upset about something, it's because I have chosen to be upset, not because that someone has made me upset, sure something they have done, said or whatever may have started that feeling, but if I stay quiet about and let it eat at me, then that's on me not them. I just hope that my friends can understand that. I don't hold any ill will, or bad feelings, but sometimes I just need time to process things and when I am processing I become an introvert. Ha I am just babbling now.... oh well needed a place to express this, not sure if it's clear but this is the path my mind has taken.