Perceptions

Sometimes when I'm talking with people I get a peek of how they see me and I am often very surprised by what their perception is of me.  It's not usually a bad thing either, it's when people see me so vastly different in a positive way that I don't always see myself.

I can be a pretty private person (I know laugh, I'm writing a personal blog hahah).  I don't always share everything in my life as it happens with everyone and it can take a bit of time for me to be comfortable sharing at all, and sometimes I suffer from share spewing where I just share everything that's on my mind and it does not pass through a filter at all. But generally, I'm a pretty private person,  and in that I can be a little shy.  I'm not super comfortable approaching people I don't know and striking up a conversation especially if I feel like I have a motive.  If I'm trying to approach people to sell things I'm very uncomfortable (I love Fifth Avenue Collection Jewelry but I hate selling it to people), if I'm just approaching them to compliment them or to ask them where they got something I'm ok with it, but there is no ulterior motive.  I know I've said this in the past that I'm shy and I had a good friend laugh, because she does not see me that way. I was surprised actually, but then I did some reflection and when I'm with my friends I'm comfortable and I am not shy at all.  Same with when I was waitressing anyone who worked with me would laugh at the thought that I was shy, because I wasn't.  Not once when I was waitressing was I ever considered shy, I was brazen even and very much a flirt.  I never had problems talking with people, striking up conversations with complete strangers.  When I was waitressing, or when I'm out with my friends, I'm not shy, but when I'm in a new environment or an unfamiliar social situation I suffer from extreme shyness!! I was part of a dress club this past year, it was a lot of fun but it took 6 months of talking with these girls for me to feel comfortable going, before that I was like dreading going. So I feel shy, but I bet if you ask anyone who knows me that would be the last adjective they would use to describe me.

I had an experience recently where I discovered that people see me as influential.  Influential, me?? Really?? I mean I know I share things, I know I try to help people, I know I try to make a difference in the world, but am I really influential?  Maybe that's why I'm influential, because I'm not trying, I'm not pushing any agenda. I am very honoured that some people see me as influential, because that's really something I strive to become. I would love to have some influence over this world, that at the end of my life I will have lived a life that makes a difference.  I get caught up in the idea that to be influential, or to make a difference in this world, I have to do it on a grand scale, something that gets known the world over, but really the small influences are just as important as the large ones.

Do you ever get complimented on skills that you are like, yeah I don't have that skill! I've had this happen about my organizational skills.  I always feel like the most unorganized person at every meeting. I don't take notes, I don't maintain my calendar, I start many different types of organization systems don't always keep with any of them, so I'm putting on a great show hahaha!! I mean I guess I am organized in an unconventional way, I get me and the kids to all events that we are scheduled to get to. I can get up in the morning and get ready for work and get the kids ready for where they need to be.  I low what's happening in work and can give a synopsis from the top of my head at any moment, but traditionally organized?? Not really, even though I would love to be!! I do try, it just doesn't always work!

I'm glad that people see me as a good mother, I think I'm a good mother.  I think I'm doing the best job I can and I think I'm raising some pretty awesome boys! I'm not perfect, I can lose my temper, sometimes I have no patience, but I own those feelings, I own and take responsibility for my actions and I demonstrate that to my kids.  I have been complimented as a mother and I feel my ego swell every time and I appreciate it, but I do know that I work on this role the most in my life.  I do take this role as my most important role, but I do so a working mother.  I love being a working mother, and I think for my personality that working outside of the house makes me a better mother to my kids.  Strange I know but very true for me!!

I'm happy that the way some people see me is different from how I see myself. It bolsters my confidence that maybe, though, I don't feel like that, that I feel I have a deficit in that area, the world does not see it, and maybe I should embrace it!! Maybe I'm not shy, maybe I am influential, maybe I am organized.  Does this mean I stop trying to improve those skills and areas of my life, no absolutely not, but maybe I take what people say about me and embrace it, accept it to be true and live like it is!!

Have you ever had someone say something about you that made you question your own perception of yourself?

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