Raising Tweens
I am finding that I am faced with new challenges everyday. I try my hardest to empathize with my children and their plights and also with my friends that are raising children. I have lot's of friends who are just starting their families and they speak of these terrible twos and trying threes and all those other toddler behaviours that can try a parent's patience. I wish I could have those days back again, I really do. Raising tweens and teenagers is a challenge that I am not enjoying.
My tween and II love my child and he's a good kid, he's polite, he's caring and he's funny. I don't always get his humour but he is a funny child. He does not cause me grief at home, it's a challenge to get him to do his school work sometimes, but he's smart and does his homework most of the time without me having to harrass him. The troubles I am having are from outside variables.
He came to me this morning and told me that he's been feeling bad because some of the boys from school are bugging him. They make him feel like he's not good enough, and that he doesn't belong. I am so PROUD of him for coming to me, I know we have a great relationship when he feels he can come and talk to me about these things. But now I am frustrated with these other children. Where do these kids get off treating my SON this way. I would never allow my son to treat other children this way, and I don't let him. I tell him he is to be nice and respectful to everyone and he is. He always has been. So I told my son that as hard as it is, he has to ignore those ignorant boys and just stay focused on the boys that are his friends and not worry about the others. He has always been concerned with how people see him though, this has been an issue that first came to light in Kindergarten. He thought that no one liked him, but all the kids did, he just didn't understand at first that he could be friends with everyone. He tries to be friends with everyone and was in Kindergarten to grade two. Now as he is getting older and going to a new school, he has more people to be friends with but he likes to keep the good ole boys that were his friends first.
This hurts because I know how it feels to feel like you don't really belong, but I was a different person than my son and I was able to just focus on those people who were and still are my friends today. But is my advice going to help him overcome this challenge he is facing. What more can I do to help him, because I am lost?? I don't want him to be hurting, but I know it won't help him if I go to the school and yell at those children, even though that's what I want to do. So if any of you have any advice that I can use to pass on to my child then I would gladly take it. I help parents for a living and all the advice I used to give those parents has now left my head because my heart and emotions are clouding all the knowledge right out.
I am starting to think it's harder to go through their teenage years than it was to go through ours. At least with our own teenage years, we could follow our future advice and ignore those who gave us hassle. My daughters experience small strife with their friends everyday and I always think "pfft, what an insignificant thing to worry about...". But then I remember being that age and what consituted as big deals, so it helps me to be a bit more understanding about the problem. My constant advice to my tweens/teens is this: it's just elementary/high school. Real life is so much better :)
ReplyDeleteJenn,
ReplyDeleteYou'll be surprised to know I have great experience in this matter because Clayton and Stu (my brothers) went through the same thing.As out in left field as this sounds, boxing changed them from being the kids that were picked,to being the boys that were feared, they became the the Alpha boys in class almost instantaneously, it's not about instilling fear, being a tough guy or any of that it's about an inner confidence that changes you, in knowing you can protect yourself if necessary, truly it changed their lives. Call me if you want to talk