Baby Woes

Being a parent is a very unselfish act.  To be a good parent you must do many things for your child in spite of your own wants and needs.  You must be willing to put those little ones first for the rest of your life regardless of what you want.  This is not a bad thing; it’s a reality check. However, it is sometimes necessary to be a little selfish and to do things for you.

I have worked with many parents over the past year, in different capacities as a friend, a teacher and family development worker.  The one thing I have noticed is that the selfish parents are often the parents that find they have the most trouble dealing with their offspring.  Parents that refuse to acknowledge addiction issues, parents that treat their children like their friends first, parents that do not discipline their children and parents that are too busy with their own lives to bother with their children are the parents that are raising children who act out in school, act out in public and turn to the illegal substances that their parents use.  I never speak in absolutes and for some parents that fall into anyone of these categories these statements don’t equal up.  Some parents who do drugs have children that become wonderful contributors to society and are repulsed by drugs because they have experienced what it has done to their family.  These few instances they are the exceptions they are not the rules.

It is to these parents I just want to scream, “WAKE UP!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR CHILDREN!!”  These parents claim to love their children but they do not give their children what they most need.  They need consistency, routine and love.  They do not need things, they do not need absent parents, and they do not need to raise themselves.  Children are selfish they only think about themselves, how can parents expect them to think about others, especially when the parent is leading by example.  Society needs parents to stand up and be accounted for. How are you raising your children?? 

The other end of the spectrum are those parents who molly coddle their children.  These parents also experience troubles with their children.  Parents who do not set limits and let their children “rule the roost” have difficulty with their children. Parents who give into every demand their children make, parents who give themselves over completely to their children, they lose themselves.  It creates children who misbehave and it is such an easy fix if parents would just be parents to begin with.  It is something that all parents can get back if they are willing to work on it, but they have to be willing to put the work into it otherwise it becomes a futile task.  It develops frustration and just teaches the children to continue to fight against their parents because their parents will give up.

I am by no means claiming to be an expert.  I just have experience and when I evaluate my family, I know that I am doing something right.  My eldest son, is experiencing normal teen issues, but he’s a polite and respectful child.  Anyone who has had any dealings with him has told me so.  My youngest is thriving, he’s only 2 and ½ months old, but he’s gaining weight and meeting his milestones.  I am happy to be a mother, but I do understand the need to have balance in my life as well.  Sometimes I am not sure how to explain what I have done, I don’t know how much nurturing has made me eldest into the person he is and how much was nature, but I am not going into that debate.  I know that I have set up limits and routines for him and I know that has helped him develop into the man he is becoming.  My youngest son is definitely a “momma’s suck”.  If he knows I am around he cries until he is with me, if he’s feeling out of sorts I am the only one who can calm him down, if I leave he is fine until he hears my voice then he cries again.  I am doing all I can to make him happy, but he’s only 2 ½ months old you can’t spoil them at this age, but it is something I am aware that will have to be lessened, as he gets older. 

I have also noticed that hanging out in the middle of the spectrum of parenting seems to be the best track.  I take time for myself and my children know it.  I have times when I go out by myself and do things just for me.  But I also do things with my children, sometimes with both of them and sometimes on an individual bases.  Parenting is a balancing act and that is how we have balanced children entering society.  If you aren’t balanced how do you expect your children to be balanced??

My baby woes, well they are not too many actually.  I love that my child is a momma’s suck, but I know that he will grow, as his brother did, into a self-sufficient young man.  A young man that can do things on his own but who also knows that if he is having problems he can come and talk to his parents and ask for help.  My goal as a parent is to raise children who will contribute positively to society; so far I think I am doing all right