I don't know when it happened, but I am sure it was sometime in the night. A dark scary night, when someone came in and robbed me of my Chandlerman. In his place they have left this new version of the same boy, but he's not the same he's different.
I am scared it was a more gradual process than I want to admit that slowly as he aged he grew away from me. Not grew away but changed into a more reserved child that no longer has a strong need for his mother.
I know in my head that it didn't happen overnight, but it happened in such a fashion that I didn't see it coming. Maybe it was a little of my teasing him when I still tucked him into bed, maybe it was my pushing him to be independent, I mean I know I can be my own worst enemy at times.
But now instead of my sweet natured little Chandlerman, who would cuddle with me on the couch to watch movies, who would steal into my room late a night to cuddle after a nightmare, who would sit with me as I made meals for us, who would ask me to consistently tuck him in to bed at night and who would hold my hand and give me affections in public, I have a teenaged version of him. It's not all bad really, he's very independent, he can cook small meals on his own, he is responsible, he looks after his brother, he will still watch television with me but he sits in his own seat. I no longer get asked to make him lunches or find him curled in my bed after a nightmare. And as of recently he refuses to hold my hand in public, unless he wants something, and i no longer get the call at night to come and tuck him into bed.
I still love Chandler, but as he is growing I miss the smile of my little man who knew mom would always make everything all right.
Kids grow up too fast enjoy and cherish every moment with them even the bad ones!!