Thursday, 8 July 2010

Momma's Sucks.....Momma's independent men?!?!

I am becoming very frustrated with my youngest child, and it is a real testament to be careful what you wish for.  I remember telling Ade that Little Man would be a Momma's suck because he was a boy and that he really would not want to have Daddy or anyone else if I was around.  I never said it as a "I wish this would happen", more as a I am certain this will happen.  And now it has!

I have seen signs in the past where I am convinced that my youngest is a huge Momma's suck.  He cries when I leave the house at night to go out with girlfriends.  He cries when we leave him at GG's and Grandma Dianne's place.  If he wakes up in the middle of the night no one else can calm him down.  He cries when I leave him with babysitters, even if the baby sitter is not a baby sitter but his father.  He reaches for me and clings to me and doesn't want to have anything to do with any one else.  If I am around he is fine with other people but I have to stay in his sight.  If he wakes up in the middle of the night and I am not there to soothe him back to sleep he screams and screams until I show up.  I have the biggest Momma's suck in the world.

I don't know what to do about it anymore.  He is Momma's little Man, and no one else is good enough for him.  I try to convince his father that it will just take time and he will adjust to everyone, but I'm not so sure anymore.  He's getting better with Ade, but when he really gets going, he only wants his mom.  I am wanting to go back to work soon, I want to start making real money again and I need to be able to get out of my house and away from him for a bit.  However, I am a mother and I don't want to leave him somewhere screaming for 7 hours while I work,  I don't want to do that to him or his childcare provider.  Especially to someone else, that's just cruel and unusual.  Especially since if they meet him with me he will seem like the happiest baby in the world, until I walk away.  So what options does that leave me??

I could be a stay at home mom, running a business out of my house, like a childcare facility.  He would then be at home with me all the time and I wouldn't have much to worry about.  It would limit my trips back to Saskatchewan, unless I went into business with someone else, and we opened a Daycare in a rented facility.  Then we could take turns having time off and hire a student to work in our absence.  As you can see I have put some thought into this, but then that still does not solve my issue with how do I get time to me with out him freaking out and how do I get time with Ade to do adult stuff without him screaming himself hoarse??  I know without a doubt that if I did a daycare or a dayhome in my house I would need to have some outside activities away from my child.  I love my child but holy man, I need to be a separate person too.

Any suggestions my friends??

1 comment:

  1. Rayne was like this too but once they get older they tend to grow out of it. What seemed to help me more was giving a bit more control over to daddy. Bathtime is now the boys' ritual and I'm only there to either visit or when dad is busy and can't do the bath. Mike is also taking over most of the story reading too. Now they both look forward to that little bit of time. Get Leigham into a routine with Adrian and he'll start to look forward to doing that and maybe a bit more with daddy.
    I've also heard leaving the house for brief moments and gradually lengthening them will work as well. Go to the store, go for a 15 min walk and then come home. Slowly he'll get used to the fact that when you leave, you do return and you can work up until you're gone for longer periods of time. This will also help any anxiety you're feeling about leaving him because you know you'll be back in like 30 mins. Once he's a little older though, you'll probably be nothing compared to the grandparents haha. At least that's what I'm finding. No one still compares to mom most of the time BUT if I've dropped him off at the grandparents I'm lucky now if I get so much as a glance if I walk out the door.
    He does need to get used to having time without you though and he will get used to it. He just needs to learn he can trust that you'll be back and that he can trust these people. It took Rayne up until the time around the wedding to get used to dad and Cathy...now when they pull up he's ready to head out the door to go see "choo-choo's, chirp chirps, and turr-tilll" for the weekend. All it took was for them to take him for walks and let him play outside.

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